Ok despite the fact that Mother Nature didn’t get the memo (she’s probably had to fire her assistant because of the economy), it’s June, which means one thing in the gay community,  IT’S PRIDE MONTH HAAAAY~!

Oh pride, what can you say about pride?  Every gay boy and girl has been looking forward to this month and dreading it at the same time.  Summer for straight people marks the time for summer vacation, but for gay people it’s the start for the pride seasons and festivals.  Road trips all over the country following the pride tours and along with that the parties, the debauchery, and alcohol, the skin, and (ironically) the embarrassing pictures that pop up in August that we wonder what we were thinking running around in our underwear.

We all have a love/hate relationship with whichever pride festival we go to.  We have this romanticized experience the 361 days prior to pride weekend, and a “WTF did I just do?!?” realization of pride weekend the day after.

Here in San Francisco, everyone is in on Pride Weekend.  The City is covered with rainbow flags, designer brands pop up everywhere, and even the weather heats up for those 3 days as if we didn’t have Indian Summers (I like to believe it’s because of all the flamers in the city, all that fire has to heat things up lol jk).  Dolores Park is packed, the Castro decides to raise their prices for everything, and condoms are thrown at you as if they were candy and it was Halloween.

But really, Pride weekend really also just proves another fact:  Gay people can party, and party harder than straight people.  Sure straight people go to Vegas for a weekend and go from club to club to bar to hotel party, to wandering the strip with a Fat Tuesday cup, etc, for the entire weekend.

BUT

That’s a normal gay person’s social schedule on a normal weekend.  On a normal weekend, starting friday night, It starts friday at happy hour right when you decide to leave work early, go home get ready for the clubs in the Castro with a cocktail, a light dinner with more alcohol, then back to the clubs in the Castro until 2 am hits where then you jet straight to the EndUp where you countdown until 6am and you start drinking more and watch the sun rise then around 11am or noon, you go to dolores park for mimosas, a nap, and a tan, go home eat something, nap some more, change and go straight to happy hour, another light dinner, then back home to get ready for a circuit party, head to a circuit party until it’s 6 am, head home to nap until it’s 10am where you head to Lime, Barracuda, or wherever serves strong bottomless mimosas, back to dolores park for a bit for a nap and more tanning, then back to the clubs in the castro for happy hour, head to a T-Dance, and then the end-up until 4am.

Confusing?  Very, but that’s how it is on a normal weekend.  Pride weekend, multiply that craziness by 15, add a parade, 2 street parties, a ton of people from L.A. and subtract your dignity.  How can I say this?  Because I’ve brought a lot of my straight friends who party a lot to some of my parties or to brunch and they couldn’t hang.  They admit that gay people can party harder.  Why?  One of the reasons is because pride is expensive and Gay people like to pretend we aren’t poor.

We plan for Pride weekend like crazy.  We starve ourselves and switch to a more rigorous workout routine the months before June just to look perfect.  We save up to be able to make it rain.  We primp and pluck and tweeze and bronze and wax and anything else we normally wouldn’t do on a normal weekend.  We do so much for a weekend that we enjoy and end up regretting at the same time.

Pride weekend means more than just partying of course.  It represents us as a community and the struggles that we’ve gone through and the advances that we’ve had and hope to have in the future.  Let’s not forget that.  And it’s not about just about being part of the LGBTQ community,  but all sexualities, be it gay, straight, bi, lesbian, queer, etc.

It’s a celebration of acceptance of ALL sexualities because if we leave out heterosexuals, then it really isn’t about acceptance but makes it the weekend about LGBTQ and the rest of the 362 days about being straight.  So yes, the weekend is about LGBTQ culture, but the infusion of that culture into everyone’s culture.

And that’s why we party and accept everyone to those parties, whomever you are.  So strip down to your underwear, grab your fag hag, find a party, make out with that hottie you see, get drunk and be gay, because first and foremost, gay means happy, and we just want everyone to be happy that weekend.

A few Pride Survival guide tips!

• get tested if you need to
• go with an open mind
• know your limits
• have your camera with you (you’re going to need it to remember things)
• use the buddy system at all times~!
• Use your common sense, if you’re not sure, ask your friends and bring it up to a vote.
• have cash on you, but not too much cash it’ll make the bars go a lot faster but you don’t want to lose too much.
• NEVER OPEN A TAB~! (that just spells disaster and debt)
• use public transit, it’s not that hard and the castro is in the middle of the city.
• Be prepared to walk long distances, a lot of streets will be closed off and cabs are hard to get and you won’t find any close parking anywhere.
• Always do a pocket check OFTEN so u don’t lose anything.
• If you get to the Embarcadero early enough on Sunday, you can get on a float.
• Always have designated meeting spots with your friends when going to the Pink Party, Sunday Festivals, etc.  Cell phone reception is hard to get in these areas, no matter what company you have.
• Not that I’m condoning it, but certain bars in the castro don’t card during happy hour…(just saying)
• If you’ve never gone to the pink party, go for a bit, it’s one of those things you need to cross off your to do list.
• If you’ve done the pink party, get your ass in a club or bar that you like EARLY, it’s a bitch to get to later.
• Not all of the parties are in the Castro, some are in SOMA (the original gay enclave).
• Go to Dolores Park during the day, that’s where all of the locals will be on Saturday.
• When at Dolores Park, although it’ll probably be a ton of gay people, If you’re planning on tanning on Gay Hill (at the corner of Church and 20th) get there early, That hill is crowded enough on a normal weekend, think how packed it will be on pride.
• Be friendly, you’ll be surprised how nice gay people are, especially with alcohol.
• But don’t accept alcohol from just anyone, if someone seems shady, say no.
• Learn gay terms other than fierce, gurl, and haaaay.  Some Gay Taxonomy can be found here, I’ll probably make a new post defining more terms later if I have time.
• If you’re being read down by someone, don’t take it personally.  Gay people naturally insult each other, it’s a way of showing friendship and camaraderie.  You can really tell if it’s a real insult vs a reading.
• Have multiple outfits ready.  Some of the ones you need are a slutty one, a dressy one, a fashionable one, a swim suit, a casual one, and a costume (you probably wont use it, but you’ll be surprised how many opportunities you can wear a costume to)
• Remember, gay people do like clothes.  You will be judged based on what you’re wearing.
• Just because you’re gay doesn’t mean what you’re wearing is cool or fashionable.
• be safe
• Stay hydrated
• Actually eat something, 3 crackers, a tapa, or a slice of pizza from Nizario’s does not count as a meal.
• Make sure you have Monday off.
• Actually learn something this weekend, remember it really is something more than just a weekend of debauchery.
• Above all, have fun.

Happy Pride Ya’ll~!

-Titles of Drama